That Awkward Moment When Someone Makes You Feel Real Dumb.

2 Nov

So, apparently the heart does not make blood. My entire life is a lie. And to all you people reading this, I must say, as a person with a devoted science background, you’re probably thinking I’m an idiot. Well apparently I am. While I knew the heart was responsible for circulating blood to the entire body, I sat in class the other day wondering where new blood was synthesized. Apparently bone marrow makes new blood. What an idiot. I’m glad I’m taking Biology, because, while this 5-hr honors course is kicking my butt (yes, 7 hrs. a week is not enough time to succeed, and yes, a 65% is an A), I’m learning so many things I didn’t know.

O.K. This might get philosophical for a minute:
So I was thinking the other day, the day when we think we have learned enough information and gleamed from enough experiences is the day we stop living — not in a literal way, but in a metaphorical way. Think about all the unmotivated kids we went to school with. They weren’t lacking in intelligence from being born that way; they just had no drive, no interest for intellectual expansion. That’s why they sat in Independence while we were there, are still sitting in Independence today, and will be remain useless to the world until they make a bad decision that leads to their doom. It sounds harsh, I know. But true.

I speak from experience (yes, this is my soapbox). After 19 years of being here, I’ve come to the realization that I lack the natural intelligence few have that allow them to succeed in just about anything they lay eyes on. I’ve had to rely on struggling, pushing forward, staying organized, and forcing myself to learn new things. I know that, while I may have just realized that marrow in bone is responsible for creating new blood cells, this hard work has paid off and given me the ability to push past my “natural” limit.

I have also come to the realization that I love helping people learn. Helping others pushing past similar “natural” barriers is rewarding because I get to help people break seemingly insurmountable barriers and push forward into new capacities for learning and knowledge.

These passions I have probably explain why it nearly drives me insane to watch people with natural talent, “natural intelligence,” if you will, to be complacent…to stay in the now. Potential: I thought I liked the word, but now I’m coming to an ever-increasing realization that “potential” more and more resembles disaster. So many people are glad to say, “I did enough.” “That should be sufficient.” “I only need a 50% on this final to get a ‘B’.”

While it tears me apart, maybe someone some day will take something from all my anger and frustration. Do hard things. Push past your limit. You literally can do ANYTHING you can set your mind to. Who’s willing to bear with me the struggles, pain, and embarrassment of going the extra yard?

Hey, you might even learn something crazier than where blood comes from!

7 Responses to “That Awkward Moment When Someone Makes You Feel Real Dumb.”

  1. Megan November 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    inspirational, bro. i like it.

  2. cathy November 3, 2012 at 6:37 pm #

    love you nick

  3. nabila1379 December 24, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    This post starts to make me think about everything.

  4. vengeance4 February 10, 2013 at 9:09 pm #

    I realize you wrote this ages ago, but I can’t help myself. I like to hear myself talk, I suppose. I just recently started reading and following your blog. As I was exploring your site, I was under the impression that you were one of those guys I would’ve hated in high school due to your general natural-smarts, which would be better than my natural-smarts. (I mean, I make up words.) I was shocked reading this post to find that you aren’t one of those people. (Don’t take it personally if I accidentally insult you. I don’t mean to I swear.) All of my life I’ve been the girl that didn’t have to try to keep up the straight A’s. If I had a grade lower than a 97 on my report card, I was surprised. I never studied. There are two times I remember studying. The first time the teacher decided not to test us on it (I had spent my whole summer memorizing the periodic table of elements); the second time, obviously not learning my lesson, I actually bombed the test. So, I came to the stupid, stupid conclusion that trying was not the way to go. I graduated 10th in my class. Now, I have no idea what to do. I never put forth effort. I never really tried. Then when it really mattered I screwed up because I never had to do such a thing before like WORK. I am finally figuring out what I need to do, finally trying. I guess what this novelistic comment is coming down to is, I totally agree with what you’re saying. I admire people that get where they are in life by working hard. It’s something I have yet to figure out. And to be corny and wrap this all up, “The thing about hard work is that it’s hard; and talent is nothing without hard work.”

  5. honeydidyouseethat? February 19, 2013 at 8:59 pm #

    Awww, now all you need is a nudge, and you’ll enter the education department. Fabulous! Just retired after 31 years of teaching. Not sure which one of you drops by “Honey.” but to whoever you are, thanks.

  6. monochromejunkie September 21, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    Well I’m gathering that you don’t write people back much who comment (but I’m going to comment any way). I hope you ascribe to these beliefs for the rest of your life. Life has a funny way of kicking you in the chest…over and over again. But it’s these exasperating bursts of breathlessness that force us to fight to get to the top of the ocean and gasp with all of out might. Either that, or we drown. Some people are too weak to fight, as you mentioned. The water’s murky from all of the kicking and floundering and they lose their direction. They happily float to the bottom and “breathe water”. But there are those who make an art out of “gasping for air”- this is me. :0) I have been (grossly) abused as a child, dropped out of high school at 15 because I couldn’t cope- was severely bullied by my classmates (for years) and these patterns followed me into adulthood. I ended up in homeless shelters, drinking, etc. and (big shocker!) ended up with bad men. Somewhere along the way, I decided that I was going to stop being shattered and instead, use life’s stones to build a new SOLID house that would shelter me. I wrote a children’s book, went back to school and became a top student (Phi Theta kappa) in Behavioral Sciences and Substance Abuse, and became a published photographer as well. Now, I’m going to develop programs that will help kids who were just like me learn to survive too- through my art. (That’s in the works.) There are no excuses in this world to be a slacker! Look at me- I should have been a statistic. But I’m a survivor and have taken all of the bad things and have turned them into good things. That homeless shelter I stayed in (over 10 times)? I went back and built them a website from scratch- took all of the photos of the residents, did all of the write-ups, and integrated a Paypal tab so my community could receive global funding. Then I went on TV and talked about it. :0) (So yes, I feel you. NO EXCUSES.) xoxo Be well. 😉

    • chrisman2college September 23, 2013 at 7:10 am #

      This is Cathy, not Nick (he seems too busy for us these days 😉 ) But I wanted to say, thanks for liking our blog enough to share some of what you’ve learned and your personal experiences. All of us appreciate it!


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