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Justin Bieber!

5 Mar

Nothing eventful really happened this last week. Last Wednesday was the first day for my climbing class, we were taught how to tie the knots that keep us from falling 50 feet to the ground if we slip. I went Snowboarding Saturday with Lei, Cody, and Kendyl, with 30 minutes left until they closed Cody broke his wrist trying to show me up with a 360 nose grab off the 10 footer in the terrain park (It was pretty Zesty). Since I don’t have anything  else to say I am going to feed all you grammar Nazis dinner, here is a story I wrote for Mr. Dials College Prep high school English class last year, he gave me a D+.

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber! I’m sure you’ve heard of him but then again who hasn’t heard of him? Ten years ago, in 2010, he was the biggest name in music, he filled stadiums and arenas, while entertaining thousands.

Five years ago Justin could no longer sell out stadiums, arenas or any venue of any kind. All the teens and little girls that once loved him had grown up and moved on to liking bigger and better things like Lady Gaga. He realized he had no fan base and he knew his career as a singer was over. He retired from the music industry and at the age of 21 decided to attend college and major in Zoology with an emphasis on polar bears.

Justin moved back to his native Canada and started college in Toronto. He breezed through his first three years of college getting straight a’s in everything he took. Then his senior, he met Miley Cyrus while at a six am early morning party. She had also retired from music after losing all her fans to Lady Gaga, and was attending college to become a veterinarian. She and Justin hit it off right away, and Justin asked her out on a date, and Miley said yes. So the next weekend Justin picked Miley up from her dorm and drove her out onto the woods on his blue Vespa moped. They had a nice picnic and discovered they liked a lot of the same things and that they both loved polar bears, then they spent the night in the woods and headed home the next morning. They dated for the rest of their senior year. Justin and Miley both graduated at the top of their class and after graduation they decided to live together and moved north to the arctic where they could study polar bear starvation.

After a few months of peaceful living in the Arctic Circle, Justin got a job with the Canadian Wildlife Conservation Department researching polar bear starvation, and Miley became his assistant. One day, while Justin was out conducting research Miley met Eminem who stopped by there hut to warm up. Eminem had been wandering around the Arctic Circle to get away from all the people who were mad at him for murdering Lady Gaga. But Miley didn’t know that and didn’t think anything weird of seeing Eminem so far north. Eminem was a good talker and after twenty minutes or so he had Miley liking him, and he then began coming over every day after Justin left to go do his research. Eventually Miley was having an affair with Eminem which went on for months. Then one day Miley forgot to make Eminem lunch and in his hungry rage he tied her to the bed and lit the hut on fire. Later that day Justin came home to the smell of smoke, a smoldering hut, and the ashes of his dead wife. He was shocked but he had heard Eminem was in the area and he knew Eminem had done it. It then became his personal goal to kill Eminem; he rounded up his animal friends and told them find and kill Eminem no matter the cost. The raccoons quickly found Eminem just a few miles south of the hut and mauled him to death.

With his wife and Eminem dead, Justin dedicated himself to researching polar bear starvation full time. But he soon went crazy and began to believe he was a polar bear and that he belonged with them so he roamed with them and lived with them. Then one day while napping in a cave with his family of starving polar bears then one of them ate him.

The End! Swagg!

Peace, Love, and Justin Bieber

Live A Little

-Derek

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9 Responses to “Justin Bieber!”

  1. Kendyl Laughlin March 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm #

    Just to clarify for everyone Cody broke his wrist on the bunny slope. BUNNY SLOPE. The smallest hill at snow creek.

  2. Kendyl Laughlin March 5, 2012 at 4:44 pm #

    Also, I can’t believe I just read that. It was extremely sexist and made me want to vomit.

  3. cathy March 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm #

    Hmm. Wow. I wonder why that got a D+. Mr. Dial must have at least a little sense of humor.

  4. Megan March 5, 2012 at 5:13 pm #

    ditto everything kendyl said. also in your “paper”, you used the wrong form of “there”. and the first sentence “Justin Beiber!” is not a sentence.

  5. morgan March 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm #

    What prompt was this?! I never had to write a “story” (if that’s what you would like to call this) and we took the SAME class.
    Poor Cody- that’s why Derek tried to keep us off the bunny slopes.. right?… I mean they must be real treacherous…

  6. neelyderek March 5, 2012 at 8:34 pm #

    Kendyl hows that sexist? Cathy, Dial loved it. Megan you are a grammar nazi. Morgan, I don’t know it was one of the papers we wrote but I wrote every paper over Justin Bieber so it doesn’t really matter which assignment it was.

  7. Kendyl Laughlin March 5, 2012 at 10:12 pm #

    And I quote, “Then one day Miley forgot to make Eminem lunch and in his hungry rage he tied her to the bed and lit the hut on fire.” HOW IS THAT NOT SEXIST!!??

  8. neelyderek March 5, 2012 at 10:56 pm #

    That’s just Eminem I quoted his music, well the bed fire part anyways. The sandwich part was a result of me sitting between Cody and Jon Williams as I typed it.

  9. cathy October 20, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

    I just LOL’d at this, and at Megan’s comment: “and the first sentence “Justin Bieber!” is not a sentence.”

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